I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
