The maid of honor just puked.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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