he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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