I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
