You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
