took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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