You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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