in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize