I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
