so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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