Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
