and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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