HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
