I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
