i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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