I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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