I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
