I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize