My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
