so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
