Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
