I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize