if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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