I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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