Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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