hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
