I just pynch a tree in the face
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
