hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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