I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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