I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
