im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
