My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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