Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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