She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
