Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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