Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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