I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
