why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
