god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
