they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
