i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
