I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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