So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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