My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
