You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
