he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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