I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
