I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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