On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
