and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize