tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
