If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
