I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
