Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
