Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
