are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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