Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
