Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
