Actions speak louder than pants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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