We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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