repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
