Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
