Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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