I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it because I queefed?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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