Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
