I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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