just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
