I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
