And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
