the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
