This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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