I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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