Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
