So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
