Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
