there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize