Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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