Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
