you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize