I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
