So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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