i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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