i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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