i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
